


The Raccoon Chronicles™

by avenged_tobio



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (of a wild animal lmao), Adoption, Domestic Fluff, Humor, Just Jongdae Being Jongdae, M/M, raccoons - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 13:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12233541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avenged_tobio/pseuds/avenged_tobio
Summary: When Minseok told Jongdae that he was ready to start a family, he wasn’t expecting his husband to bring home a literal, honest-to-god baby raccoon.AKA a fic based off of the “raccoon chronicles” by incorrectexoquotes and incorrectminseokquotes (links in the story).





	The Raccoon Chronicles™

A/N: Here are the links to the entire original Raccoon Chronicles which inspired/are featured in this fic. Be sure to check them out and show some love for the OPs! Enjoy!

 

[[1]](http://incorrectexoquotes.tumblr.com/post/152115123204/minseok-why-is-your-back-all-scratched), [[2]](http://incorrectexoquotes.tumblr.com/post/160085886318/jongdae-uh-remember-that-affair-i-said-i-was), [[3]](https://incorrectminseokquotes.tumblr.com/post/160265240155/minseok-jongin-just-said-ill-be-a-great-dad), [[4]](http://incorrectexoquotes.tumblr.com/post/163599796833/junmyeon-hey-im-here-for-the-baby-sho-what-is), [[5]](http://incorrectexoquotes.tumblr.com/post/165653123653/junmyeon-whats-happening-to-all-the-food-in-our), [[6]](http://incorrectexoquotes.tumblr.com/post/165688959244/minseok-this-baby-needs-to-go-back-to-junmyeon), [[7]](http://incorrectexoquotes.tumblr.com/post/165810561965/jongdae-minseok-why-does-our-raccoon-keep-saying), [[8]](http://incorrectexoquotes.tumblr.com/post/165813150185/knowing-jongdae-hed-probably-let-someone-else), [[9]](https://incorrectminseokquotes.tumblr.com/post/165900242818/minseok-why-do-we-have-a-blanket-with-the-name), [[10]](https://incorrectminseokquotes.tumblr.com/post/165689778002/minseok-where-did-this-baby-come-from-jongdae), [[11]](https://incorrectminseokquotes.tumblr.com/post/163829872208/doctor-just-push-a-bit-more-there-doctor-oh-my), [[12]](https://incorrectminseokquotes.tumblr.com/post/161389814550/minseok-the-stress-isnt-good-for-the)

* * *

 

It started off as a little white lie. 

Actually, a really, REALLY big white lie.

“Why is your back all scratched up?” It was a legitimate question. More often than not, if they weren’t expecting anyone important to come by in the next three hours, Jongdae liked to walk around in little more than a pair of boxers; shirts were practically non-existent in their home after 9 pm (which Minseok didn’t actually mind). What he did mind was wondering why Jongdae’s back looked like it had been mauled by a lion (which wasn’t exactly far from the truth considering that he made frenemies with Simba the lion during their last visit to the zoo).

Jongdae froze. Suddenly he remembered that dark, fateful night.

~~

_Back alley, 2 am, the sounds of a foraging raccoon munching on leftover kimchi from three nights ago._

_"Jongdae, don’t poke the raccoon again. It’s just trying to live its life.” Maybe Minseok wasn’t exactly helping considering that he was the one holding the flashlight._

_"Hey little buddy, you’re out here late at night.” Minseok couldn’t believe that he was watching his husband baby talk a raccoon this late at night in the middle of February. Suddenly he wondered how many other actions of tomfoolery he condoned in the past._

_“Jongdae if you get rabies I’m not taking you to the hos- JONGDAE.” What a sight it was: two men in bathrobes, one with a flashlight and one with a stick, chasing an innocent woodland creature all over Kingdom come. Great, something else for the neighbors to talk about. (The Wu couple next door still hasn’t forgiven Jongdae for making Zitao’s seasonal allergies worse by burning a pile of leaves in their backyard last fall.)_

_~~_

But back to the present situation. Jongdae didn’t want to admit that he met up with the same raccoon weeks later when Minseok wasn’t around. And this time, Minseok wasn’t there to stop him from trying to make friends with it.

“I’m having an affair.”

Minseok just sputtered his water everywhere. “Yeah right, like that’s possible.” Even Jongdae couldn’t argue with that logic; after all, he needed his roommate to be his literal hype man to even get the courage to ask the older guy on a date in the first place.

“Okay, maybe… I guess.”

Minseok laughed and leaned up to plant a kiss on the younger man’s nose. “Oh well, I guess we’ll never know the back story of the mysterious scratches.” Okay, now Minseok sounded like he was just being sarcastic. Then again, after all these years that doesn’t surprise Jongdae anymore. “Now, ready for bed? Remember, early shift tomorrow.”

Jongdae rolled his eyes playfully. “But Minseoooook, I’m not sleepy.” Minseok gave him that look of ‘ _trust me, you will be tomorrow_ ’. “BUT. If you insist…” Minseok’s whole facial expression changed after that. Jongdae can’t resist that face.

With a pat on the back (and a pat on the butt), they could finally head to sleep at 9 pm, like the good elderly couple that they are.

* * *

“ _Shitshitshitshitshit_ -” Jongdae’s train of thought screamed as he brought in a swaddled bundle. He’d been friends with the raccoon for almost three months now, and it had brought by some interesting gifts. Then again, he wasn’t expecting to walk outside to take the trash out only to see a little brown fluff ball lying on the ground. The raccoon left the most interesting gift to date: its baby. 

Literally, its child.

And like any good person, Jongdae couldn’t just _leave_ it there. He brought it into his home. Without Minseok around.

He was already beginning his argument for when Minseok takes him to court for a divorce.

“Okay, okay, don’t panic Kim Jongdae. Maybe, this is… a sign! Yeah! Baby practice!” True, Minseok and Jongdae have been in the middle of the process of adoption. But the funny thing was that they were going through the process to bring a _human_ child into their home. Hopefully Minseok won’t mind when he finds out that he started a unilateral adoption.

Now the baby was awake and crawling around in the blanket. It turned up to get a good look at its new dad. _Great_. Jongdae was already smitten with it.

“Hey buddy, I uh… I’m a friend of your mom’s.” At that moment, he heard the lock in the door click, signaling Minseok’s prompt arrival home from work. It was just so convenient that Jongdae forgot this was the day that he was coming home early. “Aaaaand you’re gonna go away for a while. Hang tight.” While giving it enough room to breathe, Jongdae rewrapped it in a tight bundle and made space for it under the kitchen sink.

“Jongdae, I’m home.” Minseok called out and by the sounds of it, he was approaching the kitchen. The other man couldn’t stand up fast enough and when he tried, he received a well-deserved clonk on the head from the counter above him. “Are you okay, honey? Jongdae?”

Gaining his balance again, Jongdae hopped up and pretended to be none the wiser to the pint-sized mammal now inhabiting their home. “Hiiii, sweetie pie. Welcome home, how was work? You look tired, want take-out tonight?” It was no secret that Jongdae had the worst tell of all time, no wonder his poker career never took off.

“Are you okay, Jongdae? What were you doing down there?” Before Minseok could lean down to look in the cabinet, Jongdae grabbed and swooped him down into a dramatic kiss. “… Well that’s new.”

“Have I told you lately how riveting I think your eyes are?” Hopefully the sweet talk would be enough to distract the other guy from him hunting mission.

“Yes, all the time.” Minseok blushed and stuttered a little. He had a feeling Jongdae was really hiding something but this was nice too. “Sometimes you’re a goof, Jongdae, but I love you.”

“I love you too.” He lifted the older guy back onto his feet and gave him a regular kiss.

Suddenly from under the counter, they both heard something being knocked over in the counter below the sink. As Minseok began to reach for the door, Jongdae jogged to the kitchen door.

“And I’m gonna go upstairs and run you some nice hot bath water, brb.” Jongdae couldn’t bear to be in the room once Minseok discovered their new little friend.

He was barely halfway up the stairs before he heard the high-pitched, blood-curdling scream of his older husband.

“KIM JONGDAE!”

Jongdae walked slowly down the stairs, barely poking his head around the corner of the kitchen door. “Yes, honey bunny?”

“Jongdae what the fuck is this?” he asked, cradling the bundle of fur and fleece. Judging by the pissed off look on Minseok’s face, there was no way that this was gonna end well.

“… Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

Minseok rolled his eyes. “Okay, whatever your ‘good news’ is.”

“Okay, so, remember that raccoon you told me to not chase after?”

“… Jongdae…”

“Hear me out, Minseok. So I uh… I may or may not have made friends with the raccoon, but it left us a present because it knows we’re practicing for kids and what not, haha. And the good news is we have a baby for the toys I bought that one time!”

Minseok huffed and shook his head. “Let me guess, the bad news is…”

“It’s a raccoon.”

“A raccoon,” Minseok repeated. He was still in disbelief that, of all the different types of creatures that Jongdae could possibly bring home, he decided to bring in a raccoon.”Jongdae, you do realize that this thing’s mom probably isn’t coming back for it, right?”

Jongdae nodded. “Yeah, buuuut that’s all the more reason for us to raise it, right?” Jongdae walked over to him and grabbed the bundle from his arms. “Minseok. Look us in the eye and try to tell us that you don’t think this is the cutest thing you’ve seen in a while.”

Minseok didn’t want to admit that Jongdae was right, but the thing really was cute. With one look into those small beady eyes through the characteristic brown mask, he was slowly falling in love with it. The more he looked at it, the more he thought that he couldn’t just throw it back on the streets. Yeah, maybe they did have a new baby now.

Minseok sighed. “Okay, it’s cute. But I still think you’re a mess.”

The sun couldn’t even begin to rival the bright smile that came across his face at that moment. “So can we keep it?”

“Yeah I gue-” Minseok didn’t get the chance to finish the sentence before he was being engulfed in a hug.

“You’re the best, Minseok, I love you so much!”

After a few seconds, Minseok finally settled into the hug. “I love you too.” Then he sighed under his breath. “I can’t believe you actually convinced me to bring a raccoon into our home.”

Jongdae chuckled. “You’re welcome. I can’t wait to tell Baekhyun, he’s gonna get a kick out of this.”

Minseok rolled his eyes. He loves their best friend, sometimes, but now they’re gonna see a whole lot more of him soon once he learns about this discovery.

So, so much…

* * *

**(Extra scene)**  

“Here’s some names I was thinking o-”

“Name it Racc City,” Baekhyun gleefully suggested.

“No.” Minseok knew better than to trust Byun Baekhyun of all people to try to name their child. But maybe the shit-eating grin on Jongdae’s face said otherwise.

“Jongdae no,” Minseok begged, but it would only be ignored.

Jongdae held up the raccoon baby like the glorious baby Simba. “RACC CITY BITCH.”

“Oh my god,” Minseok sighed. He was disappointed, but not surprised.


End file.
